Dear 30-Year-Old Me

April 12, 2020

When I was in my early twenties, I hand wrote a letter to myself for when I am 30. I asked my sister to hold onto it and to mail it to me so I can open it on my 30th birthday.

Did it happen? It did. A week later.

The letter to myself made me laugh, cry, and reflect on what I had failed and accomplished in my 20s.

It’s amazing to see the growth in myself and how many hopes and dreams the letter had held.

It broke my heart a little when I read about becoming a writer.

I thought I was going to be a successful freelance writer by thirty and have written for noteworthy publications under the Condé Nast household. Umm, that did not happen.

The younger me had so much hope for what I call now a “pipe dream.” Y’all know how I feel about my writing: it’s no damn good enough. Even when I predominately write for myself, first and foremost.

Anyway, back to the letter—it also talked about being well-traveled, and well, that didn’t happen either. I have not left the country and have talked about this great regret.

But, I hope y’all know: traveling is a luxury.

Traveling internationally is also hard when you’re trying to make a living. When I moved to New York, I was making $30,000 and accrued a lot of debt shortly after my move. In case you’re wondering too, that is not a livable wage. Prior to that, during my post-grad years, I was trying to figure out life and birthed this blog, which has captured all of that.

I know I sound awfully hard on myself, and hate that I feel I need to justify myself for the lack of globe-trotting, but I realized that the expectations that I listed in that letter were not realistic.

Life has a funny way of working itself out and you, as a person, are also an evolving human being. So the things I wanted in my early twenties had changed and evolved, too.

Now as I enter a new decade (my 30s), I now have a stable career to fund these travels that I always dreamed of.

I found myself grinning in looking at what I did right and what came to fruition in that letter. Thankfully I did something, right.

“As far as health and wellness, you’ve mastered meditation and continued to do yoga and spiritual practices since your 20s.” I’m surprised at how well I knew myself then and the importance of a spiritual practice.

This one got me. I was kind of choking as I read it out loud to Mike. “As far as dating or a partner, you found a gem. A man who continually inspires you challenges you to be a better person, and have the same wants and needs as you do. A grown-up relationship.”

Throughout my life as an insecure young woman, I never thought anyone can love me the way Mike does. People made me felt like I was too complex and difficult to love.

And I’m not saying I’m an angel, I recognize all my flaws and I am working out my inner demons, but Mike is still here, showing his love for me every day. I’m just grateful to have a partner to do life with from here on out.

Then I lost my shit, again. I cried at my closing statement.

“By 30, you’ll have all of this and more. Words cannot express how hard you’ve worked and how fortunate you’ve been.”

The last 10 years flashed before me and man, it was hard. Everyone always say your 20s are hard and also the foundational years. I feel like I skipped out on a lot of rebelling or go that crazy because I was so fixated on the prize (whatever it was, maybe my own version of success?)

While any road traveled is often challenging in its own ways, I’m so grateful to be in the position I am today (and I recognize my privilege). For the first time ever, I feel stable in my life.

I have a career that I love, colleagues I don’t want to kill, an incredible life partner, family who have supported me through my ups and downs, and my amazing community!

So while I didn’t get everything I set myself out for, I’m still grateful. I am meant to be where I am today. And I have to remind myself every so often that this is my path.

Here is to our 30s, my 1990s babies ?

Thanks for reading y’all. Stay safe!

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Reflecting on 2019 (and the decade)

December 22, 2019

It’s that time of year when I look back on the last twelve months (and maybe this entire decade) and ahead into the new year.

2019 has been truly a pivotal year for me. There was so much that happened, like four of my good friends got married (and I got to stand next to them in two of the four weddings!), traveled to new places like Portland and Austin, discovered a lot of new music and attended live shows! And then there were the internal work and growth that’s not seen on social media.

Sam & Deedee Brix

Strawberrie and I taking selfies before things get wild

the gals & bride at wedding photobooth

I think one of the biggest lessons I learned this year was that it is okay to be still and rest. I often find Millennials living in New York who work in creative roles feel the need to have a “side-hustle” or multiple projects going on at once. But the thing is: you don’t.

The downfall of social media is that it makes you feel left out or you are not doing enough, but who cares. Keep doing you, boo. Don’t get me wrong, these social posts about hustling inspire me, but I also get a wave of anxiety. I begin to wonder if I should be doing more, but I already know my bandwidth and anything additional would be half-assed, and well, I’m a somewhat perfectionist, so no, thanks.

In that same vein, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be “successful” and as I continue to grow into my profession and as an individual, I’ve learned that it’s all subjective and up to you how you define it.

Cancer Immunotherapy Month’s Recognition

I don’t have as much money as I’d like in my savings, but I would consider myself successful. I have lived in my own studio apartment since I was 25, have been in multiple roles where I have gained a lot of skills to advance my career, have a loving support system, and living the way I want to live.

But the cherry-on-top is working in a role where my passion and skills intertwine: creating and amplifying meaningful stories through digital mediums. At the end of the day, all I care about is my talent used for good. #Comms4Good.

I am a few months away from entering my 30s, and damn, I’ve never been so attracted to stability before. Oh, a benefit package? Talk dirty to me.

Stability felt hard to find in my early twenties, and you often hear this from successful folks in their 30s or 40s. For me, as soon as I landed something, a few months later, I had a hunch it was not a good fit for me and not exactly what I wanted or needed for professional growth. In my mid to late-twenties, I stopped applying to jobs that did not excite me, poor benefits, and lack of flexibility.

I realize not everyone has this privilege, and believe me, I applied to a few roles that did not spark joy and looked for survival. I get it, but I also learned that if you keep repeating the same patterns, you’ll end up with the same results: unhappy at a job after 3 months.

I took the risk to apply to roles that my resume can translate or that was more fitting for the long-term, and well, best mind-shift I did. Even when a job paid less than I would like after negioating, looking at their benefit package was something to consider.

In all, I no longer feel like an imposter and not good enough in my position. A lot of therapy, seeing actual results (like data!), and having a wonderful support system, all affirmed that I am capable and I am where I am meant to be (for now).

Another thing that rang true, in the words of my therapist: do not let my fears block my blessings. These “fears” were especially relevant when it came to love.

In the last couple of years, I have been avidly doing internal work including nurturing a better relationship with myself. I do believe the foundation of any successful relationship is the one you have with yourself.

And lo and behold Mike.

My handsome and I at Sam & Eric’s wedding

Transitioning from the perpetually single girl to bringing a plus-one to a dear’s friend wedding is pretty mind-boggling. I am re-learning how to be in a relationship while maintaining my own identity and independence. But Mike has shown me that working on yourself and being in a relationship can coexist, what it is like to be in a healthy and loving relationship, and he woos me every single chance he gets. I think it’s pretty romantic. *My eyes are watery as I write and re-read this to myself. I just feel so loved and thankful for him.*

Outside of work (including @thecnnekt), Mike, and personal healing, I am better these days. I have had a rough couple of years, and this year was such a beautiful new leaf, in short.

I am excited for the new year (and well, the new decade), and the continuous growth as a woman. You know, I started this blog in 2011 or 2012, and even when I read old entries, there is so much growth in the writing and me as a person.

I appreciate y’all riding this rollercoaster called life with me and taking the time to read my life updates and learnings. Until 2020, see y’all then ?

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fuck your timeline, it’s mine

October 6, 2019

By 30, I wanted to own a loft, have a dog, a life partner, and a successful career in the editorial field.

These were the pressures I put upon myself when I was a teenager because I thought you are supposed to have these “life benchmarks.” I have seen it in articles, amongst my communities, and so on.

You have seen it, too right? By 30-something, you should have a house and kids. That is the “dream.”

But what if your dream doesn’t really align with what is actually happening in real life? (And you actually have tried..?)

I formerly subscribed to these pressures and life benchmarks long ago, but now I tell myself I am where I am meant to be.

But let’s zone in a little, into the relationship timeline. You meet someone, they court you for a few months, then you are officially a couple. Date for a few years, then get engaged—if all works out—and then get married one to two years, later. After two years of marriage, have a kid.

My dating trajectory has not been anything close to this timeline.

Because in my case, I met the man I deserve at 29, and he’s in his thirties. Does that timeline move up because we are older? Would it be considered to be “moving to fast” if we got an apartment together after three months of dating? Is it too soon to discuss our long-term future?

Why do we often measure things by time instead of depth, especially when it comes to our romantic relationships?

It’s funny as I find myself in conversations with folks who are in long-term relationships or singles, about my relationship, and I feel like I need to justify my relationship advances with Mike… when I shouldn’t have to. Why I am overextending information as if I need their approval?

It is my relationship. And a relationship is between the two people who in it – not you, your partner, and the world.

Mike and I on 81st Street, waiting for the C line Downtown

And I know this, but I am often questioning Mike: are we moving too fast? I know it sounds crazy because I am deliberately asking these questions out loud to him, and we talk it over and over again. Reminding ourselves: it’s our timeline, not theirs.

But my only thought to my self-doubts (influenced by insecurities) is: I am unlearning what society has taught me about age benchmarks and “supposed to’s.”

So yeah, fuck timelines.

until next time.

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time to shed old skin

September 3, 2019

In late July I flew back to California to visit my family and be in one of my dearest friend’s wedding, for a whole 10 days. The most I was ever in California since I don’t even know when.

While it was nice to see family and a few selective friends, it was such an emotionally draining trip. I should be grateful, and I am, but a lot of the shit was a reminder as to why I left in the first place.

Personally, I was hoping to use this trip as a recovery escape from New York. The last six months have been incredibly intense and exhausting. In addition to keeping up with the demands at work, trying to maintain a personal life, and expanding thecnnekt, I have been feeling completely burnt out.

So, to my surprise when my LA trip was filled with trauma, anger, and misunderstandings, I was irritated and was counting down to when I was coming back home to New York.

I felt like I reverted to the angst teenager Chary. I snapped a few times and got into petty disputes with my folks, picked fights with my mom, and yelled a lot. Sure, I blurt out things when I am upset and stressed, but I don’t directly take it out on people. That’s not me, anymore.

Honestly, I felt all the hard work I learned in therapy and life just went out the fucking window.

Shortly before my trip came to a closed, old wounds resurfaced.

I won’t get into it because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to explain this subject. I am just tired of having to justify my actions. I have learned to let people be, whatever that meant. I am asking for the same: let me be. I have accepted the truth, and that is: people grow up and grow apart. And s’all good.

After the emotional trauma I have been through, I want to keep my distance from people. It’s called boundaries to keep myself emotionally safe. Also, I no longer tolerate toxic people to be included in my life.

Often, I reflect on who I was before this move across the country. I don’t recognize her because she was a completely different person, but I am still grateful for her because she showed me the woman I can become: who I am today.

…But that is how life works, right? When your circumstances change, so do you. We are ever-evolving beings.

until next time.

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showing up for myself

May 6, 2019

In February, I popped a bottle of bubbly with my therapist to celebrate a year in our healing journey together and congratulated her in having her own practice.

It was quite a cute evening, and before we did a deep dive into our session that night, she said she spoke with her therapist and I came up. After describing the surface-level stuff to him about me, he asked if I was dedicated to my healing.

Yes, she is. I am so proud of how she is showing up for herself.

Given who I am and how I was raised, I often put others first. I did not mind it until my well-being was being compromised, and it took me a long time to discover how this subtle action reflected how I thought of myself (as not a priority). Now, I am more aware of developing boundaries, feeling secure in saying “no”, and being guilt-free about it.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I hear myself saying, “I feel bad if I don’t go,” but with the immense amount of pressure I am under these days, some social gatherings, I have to pass on them.

I really do believe it is easy to show up for loved ones, but to show up for yourself is hard. And there is no right way to do this. How you show up for yourself, may not be the same for me.

Because for me, it is therapy. My commitment to myself these days are serious AF, but the funny thing about self-work, including self-love and self-care, there is not a lot of conversation about how hard it is actually is. Well, not what I have seen on the internet.

Doing deep work is hard, man. You really have to be vulnerable with yourself and to the outside World, omit the shame that often follows, and apply these learnings to your daily life. Also, if you are trying to work on yourself without the help of therapy and through books and friends, there are so many titles out there. Where does one even start?

I try to carve out a weekly check-in with myself; I have been doing this for years. It’s only for my eyes and it keeps me grounded and help me understand something I don’t in my head. Once I get to writing, I then feel inspired to dive into some books I’ve been assigned from Rocky (my therapist). What you have been seeing on my social media is from Calling in the One and/or The Mastery of Love.

While these titles refer to what it sounds like an external type of love with people, it really addresses the relationship with yourself and how that determines the relationships you have with others. I’ve learned so much about myself while reading these books. Disclaimer: I am not done with the 7-weeks course of Calling in The One.

Also, I need to put it out there: there are days where I am struggling to make myself feel good and feel better. Like any journey, there are highs and lows. Sometimes when I feel like I’ve made headway in my personal development, in two weeks—like the next session, I would be in the dumps, my usual overthinking and obsessive state to these tiny comments and/or actions of others and myself. Baby steps, y’all.

There is still a lot to learn, including embracing the imperfections about myself. Right now, I am just going to continue to show up for myself in the ways I know what works best for me. And, I hope you start, too. It’s really life-changing when you begin.

If you’re seeking therapy, I recommend Open Path Collective (making therapy affordable) and My Welling (a therapy matchmaking service; limited cities). Also, I am all for getting help, man. While I love my friends, what if she/he/them are not in the capacity to deal with my shit, which is often deep-rooted shit that is hard for a non-professional to decipher.

Until next time, family and friends!

PS: happy mental health awareness month (;

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from a former debbie desperado

March 5, 2019

My longest relationship was a year-and-a-half, and that goes for the one in college and my last adult relationship that ended in 2016.

I have dated since that toxic relationship and until now, but not to the point where he would meet my folks or provoked me to change my relationship status on Facebook (do people do this anymore?). For most of my life, I have been the perpetually single friend. And it’s not that I did not want to be in a relationship, I do, but the prospects sucked or sometimes— I did.

One of my first questions in therapy was: is there a correlation between my dating patterns and the relationship between my parents?

My therapist said there can be an influence because these are our early learnings of what a marriage is, and what we have been exposed to. But I also consume way too much Disney films, romantic comedies in the 90s, and teeny bop songs, all of which gave me this illusion of what a relationship should look like.

That fucked me over.

Being single was more of an insecurity than something empowering, and it took me a long time to embrace my single status.

I vividly remember: it was a rainy day, and I was sobbing on Broadway and East 4th Street because I told my parents that S*** and I broke up. This was told two weeks after the fact because if I shared this in real-time, it would cement the whole break up. I led out a loud cry: what if no one will love me, mommy?

Meanwhile, my mom laughs—and I am on speaker. She tells my dad, who is in the background: Your daughter is crying because she thinks no one will love her. *laughing*

“Mom, this is not funny. You’re so mean. I am really scared.” She proceeded to share words of encouragement like any mother would when their daughter is sobbing awfully, thousand miles away.

I honestly did not know if it was bullshit or the truth.

This fear of being not loved has crept its way into my thoughts and fed itself to grow bigger and bigger where it really crippled my entire judgement on myself. I somehow, unknowingly, had subscribed to the whole I feel unworthy because I am single. And I became desperate for love.

Ugh, it pains me to write all of this, and this is awfully vulnerable….I just can’t believe I used to be this woman. But I am a better version of myself now due to 12 months in therapy, a lot of work outside the sessions, and building boundaries. Plus, I changed my narrative.

All those years I was single, I had the privilege of understanding myself, identifying my needs and wants, cultivating lasting friendships, and not to mention, devoting a lot of my time into creative projects and building my career.

Being single also made me realized how independent I really am. It became part of my essence; I am not afraid to do anything alone, even going to concerts. I know how to really enjoy being in my own company. This also leads me to the type of dynamics I want for all my relationships: independent people coming together in a relationship, and respecting each other’s “me time”. Keep doing you, boo.

The irony of this post was that I had this drafted it a week before I saw this article on Refinery29, which I shared on my Facebook about being single. It’s crazy how the Universe speaks to you sometimes.

So, if anyone needs to hear/read it: learn to be in a relationship with yourself before you go be with someone else. My takeaway is that, I have never loved myself like this before, and I stopped outsourcing my self-worth to others. Because validation starts with the self, first and foremost.

You are enough, and you will find love.

<3 a former debbie desperado.

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why do i need validation?

November 19, 2018

Is it normal to need validation in what you do?

There is this doubtful voice in my head that tells me that I am not good enough. She creeps in here-and-there and makes me feel incapable of trusting my work and myself.

This bitch.

But this made me question: why do I need validation?

I know how annoying that sounds, too – and I wonder if this promotes a “coddling” behavior of some sort that I did not receive as a child. So it a psyche thing?

I wonder if the lack thereof (the coddling and affirmations) that influence my appetite for it now as an adult, specifically in my career. Is it bad that I want to hear that I am kicking ass? That my ideas are generating results? The content I source gets traction? That my copywriting is actually not that bad?

Does this inflate my ego? (I am working on this, by the way).

I learned not too long ago that my love language is words of affirmation. And though this is more on a personal level, I am starting to see the parallels in my work and personal life, as much as I try to keep the two separate. Maybe I operate the same at work and at home.

Part of my insecurities stemmed from having to learn a new language – science and health for starters. My background is far from these two categories.. you all know that.

Upon accepting the role, I knew it was going to be a learning curve, but I didn’t think my adjustments would take more than two weeks...and I just realized how unrealistic that is, but can you blame me? I get eager and ambitious, okay. I tend to care and add effort into my work.

I want to affirm myself that my emotions – these insecurities and how I feel presently is normal, especially when you are transiting into new spaces and learning the ropes.

I have no complaints about work, just busy all the time, and good stress. I really enjoy what I am doing and excited to see where this path takes me long-term. It’s nice to be in an environment where my ideas are welcomed and appreciated, and not to mention my team. Gah, I love my team.

Not that this post was meaningless – I wish I knew why I felt this need for positive feedback. But if you have any ideas on why we need validation in our work, will you let me know?

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maybe i scared him?

September 23, 2018

On our second date, we went to this Ethiopian restaurant in Bushwick. He took the lead on picking me up in an Uber, and then ordering our dinner when we arrived.

As a woman who plans everything, it was nice to not have to think and plan a date. And I always appreciate when my counterpart takes the lead because my whole life is surrounded by scheduling, reminders, and planning.

During dinner, we exchanged a lot of laughs, explored new side dishes together, and all signs led to: this is all feels good.

We ended our evening on an earlier side because it was a school night after all, a Tuesday. So we got ice cream at Ample Hills, where we sat outside in the humidity and talked some more. I am not sure how the topic came about, but he brought up the woman he dated last summer.

I haven’t had sex in a year. But aye, I still bust a nut.

Yes, that is how he spoke. By his statement, I was not sure if I was supposed to feel reassured of something, or if that comment was supposed to impress me? But he went on and told me how he and the other woman were not on the same page. He said he only kept her around because he was bored.

*cue in red flag*

He persisted with: I just want something easy and chill. So I responded with: oh, so something casual?

He said I should stop it with the 21 questions because he was literally sweating – and he was. I saw the sweat slowly dripping on his bald head, but also, it was humid. So yeah. But he then asked me what I was looking for.

It is going to sound cheesy, but I am looking for love.

I can tell that my comment made him uncomfortable, and he became speechless for awhile. He probably did not expect a stranger to be so honest about her emotions. I just wanted to be real with him and most importantly, with myself.

So, I owned my truth.

He walked me to the main street where I called a car home, and we parted ways. A couple days later, we set up a third date. Day of, he cancelled due to an illness and claims he goes antisocial when he’s sick.

It’s been two weeks since I have heard from him.

I learned from previous relationships that if he wanted to, he would. So clearly, homeboy did not want to. And you know, it’s not okay, but it is okay. I told my therapist that it bugged me, and I said I probably scared him away. “I knew you were going to think that! No, you know what it is, honey? He isn’t ready for you and your love. But I am so damn proud of you for speaking your truth. I am so, so proud of you, Chary.”

And you know, I am proud of me, too.

(Fuck that guy though)

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hold on tight, it’s gonna be bumpy

September 12, 2018

I always feel nostalgic when #NYFW happens.

I was never one to say: fashion is my passion.

In my career, I have interviewed assistants and interns and when I hear those words, I cringe every single time because it’s so cliche. For me, I appreciate fashion for the artistic expression, and saw the industry as a way for me to break into my writing career.

When I started this blog in 2012, I was a receptionist at a designer denim brand. To this day, it is probably the second longest job I have ever had… I decided to leave the company because there was no room for me in the Marketing Department, so I left to continue what I thought I wanted to be in: fashion editorial.

In 2014, I took a leap of faith. I started in New York as a hostess in a respectable restaurant and part-time assistant at a tiny agency in SoHo, gearing up for my first-ever New York Fashion Week show. A small town girl, without a clue about what she just got myself into. I have always dreamed of NYFW before I even moved to New York. The things I have read about, and this “insider experience.”

Four years ago, it was my first time being backstage, working late hours, and doing everything from invitations, to seating, to running to grab models. What a fucking time! And for the next two years, I rode it out, worked the event, attended cool parties and fashion shows, met stylish people, and then some.

I kind of lived that life. But even though I looked like an insider, and knew people in the industry, I have always felt like an outsider.

When I really think about my career trajectory, some of it did not make any sense. I said yes to jobs because I want to “change industries”, “take on a new challenge”, or honestly the money was better. I truly felt I did not belong in fashion, and it took me a long damn time to figure that one out.

I was kind of mortified – what if I was going to be an assistant all of my life? And there is nothing wrong with that, I just hoped I would be able to grow into a more specialized position given my well-versed background.

But sometimes it is exhausting and annoying to be ambitious because I am never satisfied with what is before me – given and/or earned. But, it is funny how things worked out for me, though.

From my last post, I announced my new position as the Social Media Manager at a non-profit. The line of work we do is extensive cancer research, and I am still learning the science behind it all. But, I love my team and the work that I do. I am in a position to tell stories that actually matter and change lives – this has always been important to me. Making an impact.

The last couple of years have been a career and personal whirlwind. There was no clear direction to where I was going towards, but I knew what I did not like, spaces I felt unsafe and unwanted, and discovered what I do like and enjoyed most.

While, I am very much still early on the path I am on now, I am super eager and excited to see what will come. I told my folks that Washington DC may be a possible option in the future if I continue my career in non-profit.

But again, all too soon. Who knows what will happen.

Let’s just say, I worked very hard to be where I am at now. And I know everyone is like oh you Millennials are so entitled and all this other fucking bullshit. But no. I worked my ass off to get a seat at the table.

What am I trying to say? Keep your eyes on the prize, whatever that may be. Careers are not always a linear path, and if it has been for you, you are part of the small percentage of the lucky ones, but for the rest of us…we learn as you go, like anything in life.

I am truly grateful for the opportunities. Shout out to the Universe – thanks for having my back and best interest.

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the moment of truth

August 26, 2018

Summer has been rough for me, and all of which has been truly a humbling experience. It had its pockets of wonderful moments, but…

Being unemployed sucks. What’s worse is when it starts to impact you, mentally.

Something I learned about myself earlier in therapy is how I commit myself to my work; I put in the time and investment. I often toy with the idea, the whole – what you do is not who you are, but at the end of the day, my career is me. Is that a bad thing?

My resume reads someone who has a variety of skills and has dabbled in multiple industries. In real life, I am a multi-dimensional woman with many passions. I like to educate and learn from people, discuss issues and help find viable solutions, and connect with others. Social media and writing are tools of doing so, no?

All of July and majority of August I was trekking to and fro interviews. For the duration of my unemployment, I had over 20 interviews varying from start-ups to notable creative agencies to everything else in between.

While there were a few that seemed like successful interviews, they weren’t. Rejection came in like a period flow. I know I am being dramatic.

Truthfully, I know it was not personal, but it sure felt like it. Hearing things such as, “You are not senior enough,” or “You’ve been a little jumpy in your resume.” How can you not take it personal? And it really took a toll on my mental state, making me fee unworthy.

I know there is power to positive-thinking. I do believe it, but it was harder than it sounds. So everyday I was putting in the work with myself – strengthening that positive thinking, showering myself in affirmations, and top it all off, efforts in securing a job. I felt very fragile.

For me, the search was not that simple; there were so many variables involved. Because there is this: finding the right job where you are excited and passionate about, and growing with the company. Then, the more reactive part, where you need security as soon as possible because the rent and loans need to paid.

Then there is this option: get any part-time job to keep myself afloat before I find the right opportunity. Here is the kicker though, I got rejected from majority of the hospitality jobs aka server/host positions, I applied for.

It was that moment of: what the fuck do I do? I sold clothes and accessories I no longer wanted and put my apartment for airbnb to generate something – anything. Some of it worked out, luckily.

Is this rockbottom? I pondered.

My mom called me everyday – asking me how many interviews I had and how’d it go, but ended every conversation the same: move back to California. My whole thought is that, if I cannot find a job in New York City, what makes me think I can find one in Los Angeles?

Most days, I felt hopeless and a part of me really felt my New York life was coming to an end. Is this it? Is this how I am really going down?

But deep in my gut it was saying: you’re not finished with New York. So I kept hustling – doing whatever I had to do to make sure I was not leaving. That was the only goal that mattered at this point.

There is a saying that goes, once you’ve hit rockbottom, the only way is up.

So family and friends, I am happy to announce that starting mid-September I will be working with a non-profit organization (with fucking benefits!) as their Social Media Manager.

I feel so fucking relieved, and grateful AF. In every possible way.

I just want to express my gratitude towards the people who were there for me, whether it be opening their homes and sofas to me or listening to my broken ass record – thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve beautiful people in my life, and I am getting teary eyed thinking about my support system through this transition.

Again, thank y’all for reading and your constant support. And Universe... thank you <3

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